The study suggests that breakups are a lot easier to predict than people might think
If you’re putting all of your effort into a rocky relationship and still seem to be getting nowhere, it might be time to call it a day.
And it turns out that there really is a ‘point of no return’ that couples just can’t come back from, according to scientists in Germany.
Experts at the Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz reckon they’ve cracked the code to spotting a doomed relationship which can’t be saved.
So hopefully from here on out, loads of us will no longer waste any more of our time with someone who isn’t destined to be in our lives.
A doomed couple is a lot easier to spot than people might think, according to experts in Germany (Getty Stock Image)
They used four studies conducted in Germany, Australia, the UK, and the Netherlands involving 11,295 people, with relationships spanning from 12 to 21 years who discussed their relationship satisfaction before a breakup.
For the study, her team took a good look at the entirety of people’s relationships – from start to finish – and measured how satisfied each person was from the beginning until the end.
Their findings, which were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, explain that one person in these kind of relationships usually feel a slow decline in romance, before reaching a sudden breaking point.
The new research finds that the bridges can be burnt between two lovers anywhere from seven to 28 months before one of them plucks up the courage to end it.
It was then discovered that there tends to be two phases which a lot of couples in a relationship destined to fail go through; a gradual decline in satisfaction, which Bühler dubs the ‘terminal phase’, followed by a ‘transition point’. And when you hit this ‘transition point’, nothing can prevent the breakup, according to the study.
“Once this terminal phase is reached, the relationship is doomed to come to an end,” the study’s lead author, Professor Janina Bühler, said.
But these feelings aren’t typically divided evenly between each partner – as the research suggests the person who instigates the split usually ends up experiencing these feelings up to a year before they finally call things off.
People can begin to check out of the relationship up to 28 months before the breakup, the study said (Getty Stock Image)
This ‘terminal decline’ phase might go completely unnoticed by their other half, but of course, they might pick up on some signs. And if they do click onto the fact that they’re about to be left in the lurch, it’s only going to accelerate the breakup, according to the researchers.
Instead of experiencing a gradual decline in satisfaction like the break up-er, the break up-ee has a rapid slump in happiness.
So although a lot of people attribute the end of their relationship to something random that they didn’t see coming, Professor Bühler the demise of a relationship is a lot easier to predict than people think.
Even though this is considered the point of no return, the professor says you still have a chance at saving it if you are in the ‘pre-terminal phase’, AKA feeling a slow decline in romance.
Bühler says you need to keep an eye on both you and your partner’s satisfaction slumping, before ‘it begins to go rapidly downhill’…so time is of the essence, people.
Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Image
A psychotherapist and dating expert has revealed the reasons why she believes some people cheat in long-term relationships.
The answer to the question of ‘Why do people cheat?’ is one which is fraught with conflict and earth-shattering emotions from anyone who has gone through the awful experience of being cheated on.
Ask somebody why they think people cheat on their significant other and you’ll probably hear a number of responses along the lines of ‘they’re selfish’ or ‘they have no self control’ – except with a lot more expletives.
However, Esther Perel maintains that the ‘real’ reasons why people cheat in relationships aren’t always straight forward.
Infidelity can be one of the most soul-crushing experiences to go through. (Getty Stock Images)
Appearing on a recent episode of the Diary of a CEO podcast, Perel, 66, was asked by host Steven Bartlett about the reasons why.
“People cheat for a whole host of reasons,” Perel said before explaining that not all affairs stem from a poor relationship.
After spending over a decade studying infidelity, Perel says the motivations for cheating changes from person to person but it usually boils down to loneliness, resentment of a partner or the need to receive affirmation from another person for self esteem.
“They cheat for a whole host of reasons that have to do with conflict and discontent and disconnection,” she added.
However she also noted that not all affairs are due to a dysfunctional relationship as they can also happen in ‘happy couples too’.
“It’s not as much [that] you want to leave the person you are with as much as you want to leave the person that you have become,” Perel explained.
Perel has spent a decade speaking with people who’ve had affairs. (YouTube/@The Diary of a CEO)
“It’s not that you want to meet another person as much as you want to meet another self or other parts of yourself that have disappeared in your life.
“At the heart of affairs you find longing, and loss, and yearning.”
She then went on to reveal that the one word she heard the most during her research of affairs was the word ‘alive’, adding that they often serve as ‘erotic plots’ to many people.
So, if affairs occur due to a need for spontaneity, how can a couple in a long-term relationship avoid the trap of infidelity?
“An affair is often experienced as an antidote to that kind of deadness,” Perel said, adding that couples can avoid this by putting ‘10% of the creative imagination’ needed for an affair into their marriage.
Perel’s findings aren’t unique either, with a recent thread discussing the topic on Reddit throwing out reasons such as ‘cowardice’, ‘issues within yourself’ and needing to fill ‘an emotional void’.
Featured Image Credit: Youtube/Diary of a CEO/Getty Stock Images
